My head is spinning with so many things. The talk with my daughter Chelsea about materialistic values after my visit to Cielo Nuestro with Gloria. Ned's mysterious secret, late-night visit with my husband, Mark, and the urgency with which he has begun stockpiling supplies at the clinic since then. The pressing call from Eric to proceed with letting the community know what's going on up on the Altos cul de sac. Now, a shocking announcement by Gloria ...
I'm trying sort all this out. First, after feeling so proud of Chelsea during our conversation about the difference between our simple values here in Katani Falls and the excessive materialism in Cielo Nuestro, I slipped into an unexpected nostalgic slump. In truth, Sarah, it was so very ambient there. So sparkling clean and new. The shops were filled with such truly beautiful things, the kind of things I used to buy without thinking about their cost or wastefulness; not unlike things I still treasure here in our house from when I lived a different life.
I remember how neat, clean, and elegantly dressed and quaffed the people there are. Their smiling faces, their carefree aire. The elegance of their food service and the leisureliness with which they ate, shopped, chatted ...
These images return unwanted to haunt me whenever I visit the households on Altos and see their determined weariness, the fatigue that permeates their long hours of caring for the land and the animals, growing and cooking so much of their food from scratch - on top of working to earn enough income to support their communal efforts.
The contrast is so pronounced. How run down and shoddy their once lovely homes and clothes have become from the wear and tear of their new way of life. All the wires and equipment and other materials, the clothes lines and giant pots and pans, strewn throughout the spaces of their homes and yards. It’s more like a production facility there than a place to live.
I keep asking myself ... what has become of us? Chelsea was right. I'm already looking pretty shoddy myself. Our home has grown pretty shoddy, too, just from our normal life, and we're not even producing anything here yet. I haven't thought about how our things "look" for so long. That’s obvious now that I do look. In the past we would have repainted, repaired, replaced a lot of furniture and other items some time ago. I might even have redecorated. What an anachronistic word that is: re-decorate. It assumes we’re "decorating."
Yesterday morning I took a sweater from the back of my closet. It had been lovely at one time. A pink beaded angora. I’d stashed it away when we moved here. Now it has moth holes throughout it (the cedar blocks I stored it with had faded). I shouldn't care. I actually don't care. It's a silly thing to have here in the forest. I don't need it or want to replace it. But, the thing is, in the past if I did want to replace it, I would have simply said, "Oh, dear, look what happened. I'll have to pick up another one." Now that's not an option, or at least it probably won't be in places other than Cielo Nuestro.
I know these considerations are petty, I’m not wanting to justify this sense of sadness I feel. Just share it. I gladly left the materialistic ethos behind years ago. But, still, I've been feeling an impending loss of choice, an irretrievably of lost of ambiance, refinement, beauty, convenience, and ease. Do any of you ever have embarrassing thoughts like this? Surely I'm not the only one.Are most of us are doomed to an exhausting, ugly world of toil? I ask again, is our choice to somehow escape to an exclusive (as in the true meaning of that word - excluding) fake facade-of a community like Cielo Nuevo or to endure a rundown, worn out, weary way of life that is simple only in our fantasies?
I ask this question in earnest because the folks on Altos are pressing hard now for me a write an article for our local paper called “Visit Our Sustainable Life” and inviting the community to come to a Sunday afternoon tour of their cul de sac. At their most recent meeting with me, I asked “Do you think the community is ready for what they're doing here?"
Ian, the software wizard and titular head who does most of the talking whenever I'm present, replied curtly, "It's ready-or-not time, Rose."
"Is it that urgent?” I asked.
"It's that urgent," he said.
I pressed to know more, "Why so urgent suddenly?"
"I can't get into that yet," he replied. "Just trust me, it's urgent."
His voice had that same flat, hard , final tone, as Mark's when I asked why after his late-night meeting with Ned he was feverishly ordering more meds and supplies for the clinic. "Because I think it's a good time to be stocked up," he'd replied as if that was that.
But I'm worried. What will happen when word about the projects on Altos get out? If seeing their way of life and even looking my own life with new eyes makes me feel weirdly nostalgic, how will it effect people who are still holding fast to their dreams for a return of fast-rising property values, of an upgraded golf course, and an expanded clubhouse? These are the people in power again here now.
And what about those who are just holding on by the skin of their teeth, waiting for things to improve? I overhear their comments all the time at the Post Office and clinic all the time. "Well, when things pick up again ..." or "Once this downturn is over ..." How will all these folks feel about the idea of growing food, raising chickens, milking goats, hanging their laundry outside to dry?
Even if they never imagine themselves doing any of these things, how will they take to their neighbors doing such things? Will they be angry? Scared? Will someone report the families on Altos to the authorities? Will the families get fined for code violations? Arrested for illegal activities? Ordered to cease and desist? Might there be someone who tries to vandalize or destroy the gardens or greenhouses? Hurt their animals? Set fire to their property? Will lots more folks decide to just "get out of Dodge?" Or chase the Altos families out of Dodge.
Then, as if worrying about these fear and feeling bizarrely nostalgia weren't enough, Gloria told me that, as I suspected, Ned's LA law firm does represent Cielo Nuevo, but unlike anything I expected, she confided to me that the firm is pressing Ned to move his family to Cielo Nuevo. That news, of course, like so much else these days, is a secret. She doesn't even want me to tell Mark. I don't think she knows that Ned came up for a "secret" meeting with Mark. I wonder if this was part of what Ned wanted to talk with Mark about?
As must as Gloria relished our day together in Cielo Nuevo, I'm relieved that she is at least ambivalent about moving. I guess I can understand her ambivalence. I know I wouldn't want to live there, but comparing the life on Altos and certainly life here without the hope of what Altos offers, I can see how Cielo Nuevo could have a definite pull for many. And Gloria doesn't even know about Altos yet!
Ah ha!!! that's it!!
I need to tell Ian, Erik, and the others on Altos that the place to start is not with a publicity push in the newspaper and a tour for the whole community. The place to start with a small supportive cadre of others who might be more open and supportive. Mark, of course. I desperately need to talk to my husband about all this. But also, Gloria and Ned, and maybe Megan and Ryan. They're still wanting to move to Cielo Nuevo, but their house still hasn’t sold. They have to be dealing with a lot of feelings and concerns right now. Maybe Suzanne will be coming back for awhile sometime soon. And of course, Erik and Julie, too, because they both live on Altos and were part of our old group.
I'll have a potluck, a reunion of sorts. Tell them there is a secret, earth-shaking problem they need to know about right away. Feel the group out cautiously that night, inviting Erik and Julie to tell them a little here and there as I watch for reactions and interest. If they're supportive, or at least curiously open in a positive way, then we can get together with others on Altos and brainstorm ideas together for the best way to proceed for involving the whole community.
If these folks aren't open to what's happening up there and what it could mean to the future of Katani Falls ... well ... then, at least we'll know more about what they're up against.
Thanks so much for listening!!! I can do this!
Rose.
(c) Sarah Anne Edwards (2009)
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From Shelia
ReplyDeleteCheer up, Rose. It is not about "black or white"--the connection being sought is inner, not outer. We need not grieve for those things which do not make up our souls--we only need to see that those are "soul-less" things which have been blinding us to the greed of those who wish to own everything in the world, including rights to our air and water. And they can only own those things when we agree that they can be owned. I will not repeat the error of my ancestors, and sell the earth of mother nature for a handful of beads--no matter how much value they may claim "the beads" to be worth. Value the source of the paper dollar--the tree--not man's destruction of the tree to make something which he claims is worth more than the tree itself.
Hi, Rose. I love your idea of the secret emergency potluck! I bet you’ll get takers on this one. I am hoping your group will be intrigued and supportive of the innovate, pioneering, folks on Altos.
ReplyDeleteI understand your feelings of nostalgia. And I can assure you that you are not the only one who is struck by them even when you understand and accept the coming changes ahead. I find that those of us who have been raised and lived our entire lives in a world of unrealistic abundance awaken in stages to the myriad of implications of an energy-descent life.
Little things like coming upon your Angora sweater pop up on us unexpectedly. I would imagine younger persons like your daughter Chelsea who have lived most of their lives in a simpler way won’t consider as it all that unusual, especially if we as parents are taking it in stride and see it as a pathway to a more natural life. But even most teens, like Becca, are already conditioned to expect, or at least want, a you-can-have-it all live of ease and could have a rocky road as we adjust.
Your comment that life on Altos seems more like a production facility there than a place to live, is most pertinent.
We were long a producing/consuming culture. Even as recently as 1940, a majority of people still lived on producing farms. Even after migrated in great numbers to the city, we were apt to be working in a manufacturing plant where something was being produced. It’s only been in recent years that we’ve become primarily a consuming culture, where living and producing were continents apart.
I believe you see a wide variety of reactions from the citizens of Katani Falls who you mentioned are expecting a return of recent ways - starting with denial, and, yes, anger, and fear, too.
You might want to read and share an article I wrote with Linda Buzzell entitled “The Waking-Up Syndrome.” It describes the stages people go through as they wake up to the eco-nomic realities we’re all facing. It might help you plan how to best address each of these reactions in your community.
Others may be more optimistic than I, but having experienced an onslaught of wrath from people who were angry about my articles on this topic, I suggest the folks on Altos most certainly should take steps to protect their property once the community knows about what they’re doing.
But I also the think the way you and your group go about communicating with people can make a positive difference. You are wise to give thought to how you wish to approach it. The most important thing, of course, is to do what you can to avoid wildly false, inflammatory rumors.
I am looking forward to hearing about the results of your potluck! I’m hope Ned or Ian will fill everyone in on what the urgency is that’s driving their sense of haste.
Nature’s blessings,
Sarah
Hi, Rose,
ReplyDeleteI've been pondering all week your sense of gloom and your ambivalence.What's not clear to me at all and perhaps not to you either, is the sense of urgency. Why is it necessary to go from luxury to extreme simplicity? Isn't there are way to go part of the way? Is there no joy in the simplicity of community life?
I very much can sympathize with your ambivalence as various times in my life I've corrected course and worked more or less, embraced a simpler version of life and getting sick and tired of it, then working more and after a while disliking it as well. However, I feel like I have choices, at least so far. Who knows what the economic downturn will mean. Perhaps I will loose my choices. The difference between a simple life and poverty, at least one important one, is the matter of voluntary simplicity versus enforced simplicity.
I don't know Rose where the situation is for you or for your community and if you know or are suspecting something that I don't know. Whatever it is, I hope you can keep your spirits up.
Rose says:
ReplyDeleteThank you, Christine. I think the sense of an enforced 'simplicity' is what will make it more difficult for people. That's why I hope we can choose here to create a life between the excess of Cielo Nuevo and the toil up on Altos, though they seem determined and so pleased with their work. Personally I think part of why it is draining for them now is that they are doing this all by themselves. If the rest or even some of the community were involved I think it would be easier for all.
Like you I'm baffled about why this sudden urgency.I hope maybe Erik will share it with us at the potluck I've set up. Everyone is coming!!! I just knew this would get us together. I can't wait for it to come and to share with you all what happens. Hold good thoughts for us!!